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Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

June 27, 2012

No More Pencils! No More Books!




Today is the second to last day of the school year. I’m sitting here, enjoying the quiet and solitude but not completely relaxed as I know that in a mere 9 hours of school, the kids will be....wait for it...deep breath.......home for the summer!
Yes, I will thoroughly enjoy the lazy hazy days of summer with them, not having to set an alarm and rushing everyone through the morning routine. Yes, I am ecstatic that I only have one more day of lunches to pack. But I know that come Monday they will be haranguing me with “I’m booo-oored!” and “What are we doing today?”. And you thinking packing lunches for three kids is hard? Try having them scavenge the kitchen all day, leaving all kinds of messes behind them and then asking me “What’s for lunch?? I’m huuu-uuungry!”
I need to psyche myself up for summer vacation. Quite the opposite of what I would have done B.C. (Before Children). I need to plan now to find a balance between down-time, keeping everyone entertained and fed and perhaps carving out a little bit of alone time for myself periodically (thank goodness for neighbourhood sitters). 
So tonight after dinner- and before the mad rush to 2 soccer games at the same time, different locations- we will sit down together. I will show them the calendar, talk about our vacation plans (some of which we haven’t revealed to them yet) and make a list of things we’d like to do. We’ll talk about screen time limits and chores (they’ll love that) and end with a big cheer for summer vacation. 
I’ll toast to that! With a cold beer in my hand.

Image © Treva Thompson 2011

January 28, 2012

Toothless Wonders


The transformation of a child’s mouth from a set of sweet little baby teeth to those large awkward adult teeth (that will need a mountain of cash to straighten) is a long and winding road. It starts when those sleepless nights and drooly cranky days turn out a little pumpkin mouth, those sweet baby smiles with little wee teeth poking through. Soon these little ones are able to chew steak and bite apples and all the good stuff in between.
Then one day they declare with great excitement, “My tooth is wiggly!!” (even though it may not be wiggly yet). They are usually around the age of 6 and the look of anticipation and excitement on their face is priceless. They will soon have those grubby fingers in their mouth at every opportunity, practically willing that tooth to come out. Rumours have it that a certain fairy will bring money for a tooth! So they tirelessly wiggle and wiggle and wiggle. They will show you every 5 minutes how loose that tooth is. This is not fun stage for those of us with a low heeby-jeeby threshold especially when that tooth looks like it is hanging on by sheer will.
My mother on the other hand was probably a dentist or tooth-fairy in another life. The wiggly tooth is like a magnet to her. She simply must wiggle any loose tooth within a 5 mile radius. My kids are thrilled to visit “Noni” when they have a loose tooth. They ask to make the trip to Barrie just to have Noni work on their tooth. When they visit, all of her attention is on them. She gets them to lie down and relax. I remember this as a child, laying on the couch for what seemed like hours while she worked her magic on those resistant teeth. She gets a good grip and gently (but persistently) wiggles this way and that, back and forth, side to side, a little twist here and there, stopping when there are cries of pain and then gets back at it until the child has had enough or the tooth has come out.
A couple of months ago we paid a visit to my mother because of a very wiggly tooth that wasn't coming out. My mother had K lie down and she worked on her tooth for about 45 minutes (my patient girl!). There were moans of discomfort and a little blood. After a short break, they were back at it, my mother coaxing out the tooth with a little “c’mon toothie, come to Noni, c’mon toothie toothie tooth” and there it was: a little white pearl in my mother’s hand and an expression of sheer joy on my daughter’s face.
When the commotion died down, I asked my mother what it is about wiggly teeth that fascinates her. She told me that it isn’t the tooth but the child. It is a small window in their life (usually only lasting for the first tooth or two) when they can see something tangible about growing up. In an instant, they are that much closer to being “all growed up”. Their excitement is contagious. 
If we are lucky, our toothless wonders are still naive enough to believe in a little invisible fairy that takes that baby tooth to a new baby and leaves some shiny coins in its place. That is a treat to witness in itself (like the magic of Santa on Christmas morning). The squeals of delight in the early morning are worth being awoken for.
(God forbid that you forget to work your magic! I’ve awoken at 5am in a panic realizing that I had gone to bed without playing my tooth fairy role. I dread the day that someone wakes up and still has their tooth under their pillow. There will certainly be some explaining to do!)
My son has lost 8 teeth and the girls have now lost 5 teeth between the two of them. This tooth fairy business can get pricey! I caution you not to start asking other parents on the playground how much the tooth fairy leaves. They are some (annoying) tooth fairies that think nothing of a $20 bill for a tooth. And trust me, these kids talk. In our house, it’s $5 for the first tooth, $2 for subsequent teeth unless you lose two in a day like my son did ($5 for both) or have them pulled by a dental professional (a premium for pain and suffering at $3 a tooth).
When those awkward adult teeth start popping up, your child’s face changes completely. I keep reminding myself that they will grow into their teeth but it does take some getting used to. At least when the adult teeth come in, they can start eating regular food again (try to pack a lunch for a kid missing four top teeth).
Here’s my question to all of you tooth fairies out there: Do you keep your kids’ baby teeth? I simply can’t bear to throw them out. I have a growing collection of teeth in three labelled ziploc bags in a special wooden box. It sounds (and looks) incredibly creepy or sentimental, depending on your point of view. I recall a story of a grown woman who was going through the home of her recently deceased father. In his top dresser drawer, she found a carefully stored box of all of her baby teeth. She recounts how deeply moved she was that he had kept them all of those years. She had never known that he had played tooth fairy in their house. Hopefully my kids will feel the same way when they come across my collection of their childhood choppers.
Image © Treva Thompson 2011

November 30, 2011

Update: My Christmas Pledge


My children informed me this morning that there are only 25 sleeps until Christmas. 25 sleeps. 25 SLEEPS!! 
I have a confession to make: I’m way behind my schedule of finishing all of my holiday preparations by December 4th (see this post).
Okay, I’m way ahead of any schedule that I’ve had in previous years. Just last year found me scrambling at the malls on December 23rd and wrapping gifts way into the wee hours of Christmas Eve. Our lights were put up only 5 days before the big day. If I put it in those terms, I can feel somewhat better about letting myself (and my readers) down a bit with my ambitious timeline for this year.
Here is what I’ve accomplished so far:
  1. My gift list is nearly complete. It would be much easier if the girls had a more specific list than “everything at Mastermind” and “puppies, guinea pigs, hamsters and kittens.”
  2. About half of our gifts are purchased. About half of those are wrapped. (Thank goodness for stores that wrap for you. I think I’ll shop at them for the rest of my gifts too).
  3. The outside Christmas lights are up.
What needs to be done:
  1. Delegate more of these duties to my willing husband (right, honey??).
  2. Finish shopping and wrapping by Friday.
  3. Buy stocking stuffers by December 4th.
  4. Decorate the inside of the house (once our renovations are complete today!).
  5. Design Christmas cards and order if there is enough time. 
  6. Buy tree and decorate by December 13th. At least this is still on track.
  7. Bake cookies and other Christmas treats by December 15th.
So enough writing already. I’ve got work to do! I hope that the rest of you are having luck keeping to your Christmas pledge if you took it. Let me know! I’d love to be inspired by you.

Image © Lori Martin | Dreamstime.com

November 16, 2011

Trials and Triumphs of a School Lunch


Do you realize that between grades 1 and 8 there are approximately 4500 lunches made and packed for three kids who eat at school? 

One of my resolutions for this school year is to get the kids to make their own lunches. I am hoping that this will teach them responsibility- and that they might even eat all of their lunch if they pack it themselves. This isn't working exactly to plan but we have made some breakthroughs:
  1. The kids have become very well-trained at emptying their lunch bags when they come home from school. Their school employs the “boomerang lunch” approach, meaning that all garbage or uneaten food comes home. Sounds reasonable, right? I can see exactly what they’ve eaten (or not) and the school doesn’t have to deal with composting and other excess garbage. The problem is that certain food remnants do not travel well (think apple cores, banana peels, etc.). Eech. Now I don’t have to deal with the yuckies or, god forbid, food items left overnight in a backpack. They complain about it some days but they do it anyway (a triumph in my book).
  2. I have been struggling with getting two-thirds of the crew to eat more fruits and vegetables. They always go to school with two items from the aforementioned food group. Now when they get home from school and start circling the kitchen like vultures, they are instructed to first eat what is left in their lunch, most often a fruit and/or vegetable. After that I’m open to snack suggestions from the fridge or pantry.
  3. My children have finally discovered the joy of a hot lunch! After months of trying to be creative with sandwiches (not my personal favourite either), I finally persuaded them to take some hot leftover beef stew for lunch. It came home barely touched. Then I tried one of our go-to meals: pasta and meatballs. It was a hit! Two of them asked for it again today and the other for leftover shepherd’s pie. I think we’re finally on to something.
Baby steps mean progress in our house. Someday in the not-so-distant future I see them planning, preparing and packing their own lunches. Until then I’m happy with the direction in which we’re headed.
Bon appetit!
Image © Tomas Loutocky | Dreamstime.com

November 04, 2011

Turning Over A New Holiday Leaf


51 sleeps until Christmas!

After this week’s negative Halloween post, I’d like to switch gears and tell you that I can’t wait until Christmas! I know some people out there are already getting stressed out about getting it all done with some shred of sanity left for New Year’s. I never get stressed in November about Christmas. Perhaps it’s because I have a warped sense of how much time remains until the big day. One week before Christmas, you will find me weeping in the fetal position in a corner because I’ve left it too long, vowing that NEXT year it will be different.
Worse than the panic on December 17th is the January freak-out. You see, we celebrate both “Canadian” Christmas on December 25th at my folks’ place and then we do it again on January 7th when we celebrate Orthodox Christmas with my in-laws. Some of you might think this is an ideal scenario. No arguments over holiday logistics every year- Christmas Eve here, Christmas Dinner there, etc. But now I ask you to consider the inevitable: Every year, we wait to buy gifts for Orthodox Christmas until Boxing Week. In our minds, the reasons are twofold: one, we get the great deals and two, we can get the gifts that the intended recipients didn’t get on the 25th. Now imagine shopping during Boxing Week for that specific item that will always be sold out in the size that you want after you’ve spent an hour finding a parking space at the mall. And on January 6th when you’re wrapping the gifts last minute, you try to find another roll of wrapping paper because you’ve run out. Seriously, try it this year. Sometimes, Orthodox Christmas gifts end up in birthday wrapping paper because that’s all I have.
This is not new for me. I honestly think I could win an award for being the world’s biggest procrastinator. All of my papers in university were completed the day of the due date. The night before an exam would find me playing Solitaire for hours and then staying up all night to study. It’s a wonder that I completed my honours degree at all, let alone with decent marks. I always have great intentions and am highly organized. I can make a great plan to get things done in advance and everything does get done - but always at the last minute.
Today, I was inspired by blogger Karen at The Art of Doing Stuff who is making a pledge to be completely organized for Christmas by December 4, in exactly one month. So here and now I am joining her in making a public pledge to all of you that I will be organized and I will get most of my holiday preparations completed by in the next month. And if I say it here, I have to be accountable. I will give you a progress update and see if I can do it.
What does this mean in real terms? Firstly, I will delegate some holiday duties to my husband instead of trying to do it all myself (control freak, anyone?). Next, I will start my gift list today. It will invariably be altered and corrected many times due to the kids’ ever-changing whims about what they want Santa to bring. When they arrive home from school today, I will have set out paper and pencil for them to start their lists. With my mother visiting next week, I will have good company to get out there and get shopping. I have marked November 15th as the day the lights will be put up. Christmas cards will be designed and ordered by November 7th and mailed by December 2nd. The house will be mostly decorated by December 4th. The tree will be up and decorated by December 13th (after my deadline but remember that it has to last until January 7th).
After December 4th, I plan to relax for the remainder of the holiday season, spending good quality time with my family and friends, cooking great meals, baking holiday goodies, volunteering with the kids at the local food bank, attending holiday productions like Messiah and the Nutcracker and generally enjoying myself and the magic of the season.
Cheers!
Image: © Treva Thompson

August 31, 2011

Happy New (School) Year!



It’s been a while! We've had a nice long busy but relaxing summer, enjoying lots of northern get-aways and day-trips around Toronto. All three kids have learned to ride their bikes, thanks to a week-long camp at Pedalheads. And we have all gotten along well- for the most part. Finally, here it is just mere days from... the start of school! “The most wonderful time of the year” to quote a well-appreciated and overplayed commercial.
This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. The day when all three kids enter full-day school and I suddenly have six and a half hours of ME time. Don’t get me wrong (and if you are a parent I know that you don’t), I love my children and I love spending time with them. But when you spend as much time with anyone as I do with my children, you’d also be anxious for a little breathing space.
I’ve always thought of the first day of school as my New Year’s Day. The memory of blank notebooks, freshly sharpened pencils, squeaky clean sneakers puts a bounce in my step. It’s a blank slate and a time of renewal. The crispness in the air, the crunchy leaves underfoot and a new year begins.
It’s time for a few resolutions: to get and stay organized, to stay on top of agendas and homework and reams of paper, to volunteer more in the classroom, to get the kids to make their lunches (a new resolution for this year).
I’ve learned a few lessons over the past school years. We’ve already printed our “Things to do in the morning” and “Things to go in your backpack” charts and posted them in bedrooms and at the front door. The dressers are organized, the kids have tried on pants which invariable shrink 2 inches the morning of the first chilly day. Extracurricular activities and our daily routine have been discussed. Homework plans are almost complete- most important as all three will have homework this year much to my dismay (but that’s another post). My next step is to draw up a list of lunch ideas with the kids and prepare our weekly chart to post on the fridge.
And me. What am I going to do with all my time?? At this moment with my to-do list for the next few days a mile long and not a minute to spare with three kids underfoot, I am fantasizing about the hours and hours of time to myself to read, to write, to drink coffee, spend time with friends, work out, nap.
But will those six and a half hours fly by if I’m not organized and will I end up feeling useless and frustrated if I’m not accomplishing a multitude of tasks? I am a chronic list-maker (if you haven’t already noticed) and that combined with my first-born personality traits means that I have to feel like I’m accomplishing something or I end up feeling like I’ve accomplished nothing at all. Talk about demotivating! My non-exhaustive to-do-in-September list includes gutting out the “not-so-spare room” (aka the office), purging and organizing ALL the toys and books, cleaning out and organizing the closets and cupboards, tackling a million other little jobs around the house, blogging regularly (I promise!), improving my French, becoming a Sparks leader and preparing fantastically nutritious and delicious meals in advance.
What will happen? Will I over-schedule and exhaust myself or will I turn into a couch-potato, hanging out in cafes, gossiping with other SAHMs and eating bon-bons by the case? Or will I hopefully end up somewhere in between? What is going to make me feel fulfilled? Please stay tuned...

Image © Natalia Klenova | Dreamstime.com

May 09, 2011

Just Like Riding a Bike

Image  © Eti Swinford | Dreamstime.com


I have been remiss lately on posting and I do apologize to my faithful readers. What started out as a hectic schedule turned into mental fatigue which was then compounded by some emotional stuff and suddenly I found myself feeling like I had forgotten how to ride a bike. When I was posting somewhat regularly, I found my internal dialogue sounding like a blog post. As with any kind of routine once you fall out of it, it seems hard to get back into the swing. But just like riding a bike, I am jumping back on and pedalling with all my might, hoping that I will remember how to.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. With all of my choices of how to spend my day, I wanted us to go to our local Canadian Tire store and buy some shiny new bikes for the kids. Over the years, my children have endured hand-me-down and second-hand bikes and never complained about the rust and scratches. But this year is different. Now we are at a turning point in our bike-riding lives.
My nearly 8-year old son has asked for a 2-wheel bike. I tried to teach him a couple of years ago and it only took one accident where I lost my balance and grip, let go of his bike seat and he wobbled, skidded and fell hard on the asphalt of our back lane. My bad. Last year, he cautiously tried his hand with his rusty old 2-wheeler in the safe confines of our backyard. I could tell he was ready to stretch his bike-riding wings. My almost-6-year-old twins have clearly outgrown their 12-inch bikes with training wheels. The dead giveaway was their knees hitting the handle bars and watching their long legs pump furiously to get those wee tires in motion.

After a lovely breakfast in bed and a few errands, we hit Canadian Tire. Apparently we weren’t the only parents with this brilliant idea. Perhaps the fact winter ended only 2 days ago might have something to do with this rush to get bikes. Nevertheless, after some quick negotiations (the girls simply cannot have the exact same bike) we found ourselves wheeling three shiny new bikes to the cash register.
When we returned home, the kids literally grabbed their bikes from the van and pleaded to ride them straight away. We have a small dead-end lane behind our house and although it has a small incline and some nasty potholes, we thought it was a good place to start. My son grabbed his bike helmet, hopped on his bike and...rode!
It was unbelievable to watch him riding away from me down the lane, like a baby bird who had learned to fly. I started to get teary-eyed while cheering and applauding like crazy. When he turned around and rode back to me, the look on his face, his cheeks flushed with excitement and his eyes glowing with self-pride made my heart nearly burst. This is what being a parent is all about. Giving your children the foundation and the encouragement to get out in the real world, stretch their wings and soar.

It was the best Mother's Day gift I could have received.

March 24, 2011

Turning The Frown Upside-Down


Image © Ivaylo Sarayski | Dreamstime.com


I usually get the urge to write when things aren’t going well. I suppose it’s a natural impulse to vent frustrations on paper (or a computer screen). It is often easier to complain than to sing praises when things are challenging. After a particularly difficult couple of days with the kids, I can feel a rant or three coming on. But I’m going to try something different and turn this frown upside-down. If you will indulge me, I’m going to talk about what I love about my kids.
I have three very different children with their own unique dispositions. In fact, my identical twin girls are so different in their personalities, I can’t for the life of me figure out how people mix them up.
L is my first-born. I think back to when he was a baby and all those precious moments when it was just me and him. I recall thinking how difficult it was in those early days of diaper changes and all-night feedings. But it was just me and him when my husband was working- and little did I realize how easy things were in comparison to adding twins to the family.
Back then, I was all about attachment parenting. I fed him when he was hungry, cuddled him when he needed it (even if that was all day). I don’t regret it one bit even if it meant rocking him to sleep until he was 2. He is now approaching 8 years old and he is a confident, happy, curious, active child. He plays hockey and soccer with a passion. He asks a million questions and has mastered the art of googling. One minute it’s about space and the planets and how hot it is on Mars, the next he is looking for art that he likes: landscapes and street scenes with bright colours capture his interest. He wants to know about the Arctic and climate change and how an airplane works. He draws comics, lives to read and loves to tell a good joke.
M and K are my babies. They were born when L was almost 2 years old and my days of leisurely attachment parenting were over in favour of a more scheduled approach. They are almost 6 years old now and will be going into grade one in the fall. They are identical twins but of course to their mother, they look and behave (even sound) as different as night and day.
K is precocious, athletic, gregarious and high-energy. She has a fantastic sense of humour and attacks life with a gusto that is contagious. She is already reading well likely because it was a challenge that she wanted to master. She has developed a fondness for cooking and is usually by my side with her apron on, getting her hands right into whatever I am preparing for dinner. She is usually the “director” of whatever she is playing with others which is often some variation of school or office or store, anything that she thinks of as “grown-up.”
M is my introvert. She is a perfectionist and therefore is cautious, taking her time to try something new until she is sure that she can do it “right.” Both girls are taking ballet and it is there that M is transformed into a confident and skilled dancer. She is highly sensitive to others’ emotions and can usually be found playing with one or two close friends instead of a large boisterous group where K usually is.  She loves to be read to and to tell wonderfully imaginative stories. For a relatively quiet child, she has a fantastically bold approach to fashion, creating great ensembles and mixing things up with accessories and footwear. I only wish I had half of her fashion sense.
Well, that did the trick! Thank you for indulging me. The dark cloud over my head has moved on and I feel the hint of a sunnier day ahead. For all the challenges of parenting, it is watching my children grow and develop their individual personalities that provides me such joy and wonder. This is going to be a good day.

March 17, 2011

What's It All Worth?



It’s tax-time in Canada. That time of year when we look at the numbers and realize our monetary worth. For a stay-at-home mom, it can be a bit depressing.
As I assemble all of our tax documents and start plugging the numbers into the latest tax software, it is like a slap in the face. Yes, here it is in black-and-white. My personal total income for 2010 was...$2400. And that was courtesy of Canada’s Childcare Benefit program that provides me with a whopping $100/month per child under 6. (For childcare? Really?? How far is that going to go? But I digress). Surely I am “worth” more than that!
Each year, Salary.com releases it’s Annual Mom Salary Survey. For 10 years, Salary.com has been calculating how much an employer would have to pay to hire someone to do all that a moms does, figuring that a mom does a hybrid of ten different jobs at a small “company”: laundry machine operator, janitor, van driver, computer operator, housekeeper, day care centre teacher, cook, chief executive officer, psychologist, and facilities manager. In 2010, they calculated that a stay-at-home mom would earn CAN$132,288/year for working about 99 hours/week.
Now that’s more like it. Or is it?
Last week, a “plague” descended on our house. It started with my son then within hours all three kids were vomiting every couple of hours for three days straight. The cleaning, the laundry, the nursing, the comforting! And to make matters worse, I started to feel ill on the second day and by the time the kids started to feel more like themselves, the plague had felled its fourth victim: me. For at least three days, my bedroom looked like a M*A*S*H unit with four bodies strewn across our king size bed- and puke bowls scattered among those bodies.
Upon reflection, I’d like to amend Salary.com’s figures. They should include a nursing salary (at least part-time) as well as hardship pay (did I mention the laundry and cleaning of all kinds of bodily fluids?) and of course hazard pay (if I wasn’t cleaning all those bodily fluids, I likely wouldn’t have been exposed to that nasty virus myself). Add that all up and I’d estimate my hypothetical salary at least a million dollars. Maybe two. At least I don't have to pay hypothetical income tax.
Now if only I could get a non-hypothetical paid vacation.

Image: dreamtime.com

March 05, 2011

It’s Not Me, It’s Them

Image: www.picable.com


My children have taken misbehaving to a whole new level. They start by getting silly and fooling around by themselves. A sibling will join in the fun and they feed off of each other’s energy and antics. The third will attempt to join in and all hell breaks loose. Usually, two will turn on one. There will be tears. Maybe some retaliation, some violence, an object or two might be thrown. Then they join forces in the world of silly. The volume reaches ear-deafening levels and all rules are thrown out the window (maybe with a toy or two). Suddenly, as quickly as it all began, it feels like the three of them have turned on me, conspiring to make me yell or cry or crazy or any combination of the above.
It’s hard not to take that personally.
I know deep down that it is not a conspiracy. There are no clandestine midnight meetings where they are secretly planning ways to make me lose it. But how is it that they know exactly what drives me to drink?
Children are masters at learning which of their parents’ buttons to press. Mine definitely have my number. Loud noises, silliness that escalates until someone gets hurt, whining, stubbornness... Well, they have a long list to choose from.
Parenting guru Alyson Schafer writes in her second book Honey I Wrecked The Kids (aka my bible) that the most likely reason that children fight or misbehave is a subconscious effort to gain undue attention. It’s true. When my children are playing quietly and getting along fantastically, I breathe a sigh of relief and find ways to make use of the quiet time: tidying the house, cooking dinner, checking email, blogging. I am not paying attention to them. But one wrong move and I’m all over them. Things can escalate quickly and although it is negative, they most certainly have my attention.
So what can I do? I reread Alyson’s chapter on dealing with attention-seekers and will try her suggestions of ignoring the behaviour (that’s going to be a toughie), distracting and redirecting (takes some creativity but works) and natural/logical consequences. What is more important, I’m going to try to “catch” them being good and give them positive attention when I can (read: put down my iPhone and spend more focussed time with them). Hopefully they'll feel their "attention quota" is being met and they won't look for it in negative ways.
And I will remind myself NOT to take it personally when they do.

February 28, 2011

They Smell Fear



Disclaimer: I am about to whine about solo-parenting while my husband is away. I can only imagine what single parents go through every day. My hat is off to you if you are a single parent.
Have I mentioned that my husband travels for work? A lot? When he started this job almost two years ago, we anticipated a few trips to NYC, maybe Montreal and Vancouver a couple times of year. Then they hired a new CEO who loves to travel and loves to travel with my husband. Apart from 2 or 4-day trips here and there, I can expect him to be gone most of the week for an entire month at least four times a year. I just spent part of my evening updating my giant colour-coded fridge calendar with his business trips for the next three months. Then I had a big glass of wine.
You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I mean, it’s been almost a year of this. And yet, when he has a small break from the road like the past 3 months, the beginning of another period of solo-parenting fills me with dread. John left yesterday for Florida. Yes, in the middle of winter. For a conference in Hollywood Beach. Life’s tough.
Like dogs, I honestly believe that kids can smell fear. As his departure time approached, I could feel the panic building up in me, the anxiety about dealing with three kids on my own for five days with no pinch-hitter or respite from the grind. The minute his car pulled away from the house, the kids went berserk. I don’t know if I can accurately describe it but imagine a play-date that has gone horribly wrong, “punks gone wild” or something similar. I had just over an hour to cook dinner, feed the animals and corral them into the minivan to get my son to a play-off hockey game. Gah.
When the game was done, we were home and the kidlets were wrestled into bed, I had the revelation that the kids feed off my stress. If I’m freaking out inside, I’m not going to be parenting the way I want to be. The kids will take this as their cue to behave like miscreants. And then I’ll freak out even more and then... You get the picture. 
Looking at my calendar, I have to psyche myself up, keep calm and carry on, get and stay organized and most importantly remember to have fun with my kids. I know that when I hit my solo-parenting stride, things run surprisingly smooth and I feel like I can handle (almost) anything.
Still...it’s going to be a long three months.

February 26, 2011

And what do you do?

Image credit: www.zeroratio.wordpress.com


The scenario: Any social gathering. I’m introduced to someone. After a few pleasantries, the conversation invariably turns to a discussion of career.
“And what do you do?”
“I’m a stay-at-home mom of a 7-year old boy and 5-year old twin girls.”
This is often followed by uncomfortable silence and a meager attempt to acknowledge how busy I must be, a quick change of the subject then a thinly veiled excuse to extricate themselves.
It’s a conversation killer.
I have always wanted to be a mother. As the eldest of four children, I knew at a very early age that I wanted to have children of my own. When my husband and I decided to start trying after 2 years of marriage, I was thrilled and couldn’t wait until that little stick showed me a plus sign.
When I became pregnant with our first son L, I was working on Bay Street for a brokerage firm (not exactly a family friendly environment). I loved being home for the 12-months of maternity leave and hated leaving him at daycare to return to a job that I had discovered I didn’t love. Soon after, we decided to start trying for a second baby and were quite surprised to become pregnant with twins when my son was only 14-months old. And so when L was not quite 2 years old, we were blessed with identical twin girls- K and M.
Yes, your math is correct. That is three kids in less than two years.
A review of finances and some soul-searching confirmed that it would make sense for me to stay home with the kids until they started school. My husband’s career was on the cusp of taking off and having a stay-at-home spouse would enable him to work late and travel if necessary. I was thrilled (and a bit trepidatious) to be fulfilling my lifelong dream of making a career of parenting.
Nearly six years later, I’ve weathered a gazillion diaper changes, potty training x 3, kids learning to walk, talk and talk back, starting school and homework, mountains of laundry, endless meal preparation and housework. My son is in grade two. My daughters are in SK. In six months (yes, I’m counting), all three will be in school full-time.
So where does that leave me? I’m still at home with the kids. My husband’s job has him traveling at least twice a month for up to six days at a time and it still doesn’t make sense for me to go back to working outside the home, at least if I want to maintain my sanity. How do I justify my existence? I consider raising healthy and considerate kids to be my full-time career. My days are filled with the usual unending household duties, coordinating school activities, obsessively reading parenting books and blogs and, from time to time, finding a few moments for self-reflection.
I hope you’ll join me on my journey of redefining my identity as a SAHMOSAK (stay-at-home mom of school-aged kids). I am certainly no “lady who lunches”. Commiserate with my (mis)adventures in raising pre-tween kids and the joys and challenges that are sure to follow. Perhaps I’ll find that being a SAHMOSAK isn’t such a conversation killer after all.
Happy reading!
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